Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
