Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize