Say something about gay babies.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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