but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The best revenge is premature balding
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
