Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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