The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
