I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
