i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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