I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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