I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
