you would pick up someone in the library
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I want her autograph on my taint
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize