Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
