I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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