If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
