Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
