My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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