I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
