he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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