I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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