i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Welp...herpes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
