She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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