Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
