i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
