Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
