Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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