Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
