the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
