I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
