when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
