We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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