I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
