I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
