I want to have your abortion
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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