What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
