i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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