He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
