So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
