I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
