i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
