last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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