So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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