this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
