Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
