She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
