We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
