yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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