There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
