God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
