Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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