ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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