I never want to see another naked old woman again.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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