Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
