I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
