I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
