how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
