Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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