just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
