He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
