So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's like God shit irony all over that family
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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