yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
