Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
