i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
