My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
