i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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