You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How external is "for external use only"?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
as a side note pls kill me
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize