You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
