i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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