I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
