I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
