found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize
