My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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