Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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