No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
