Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
