im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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