I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
