Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize