it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
