he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
My liver just had a heart attack.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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