alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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