I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Less talking, more tequila
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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