absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
