the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
