I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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