Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need to sanitize my soul.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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