it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
