I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I touched a dick in church today
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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