I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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