i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
