NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
zippers are such a cool invention
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
