mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
