can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
