Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize