Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i think i just lost a toe
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