You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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