You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
