You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
