Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
