did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
