i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize